Murder of Crows #1

Murder of Crows #2

Masked Pretender

Asking artists if they ever had a moment of self-doubt is like opening a wound, or stating the obvious. A blog discussion group for artists on linkedin talking about self doubts, dry spells, and discouragement has become quite active, see: http://www.linkedin.com/groups/Has-there-ever-been-low-119532.S.233976552?view=&srchtype=discussedNews&gid=119532&item=233976552&type=member&trk=eml-anet_dig-b_pd-ttl-cn&ut=2r-FApPGCCARI1

I've had dry years because I needed to make a living and support my family. I did a lot of construction and had no energy to work on art or anything else at night. Economic pressures did not give me much time to pursue art, but I repeatedly came back to it because of my deep desire to do so. I used photography to help me grab a minute here and there to appreciate something visual. That helped me feel connected to art for many years. I built myself an art studio while I was in construction mode, but had a mental block about using it. I had no time to spare, nor a habit of using a studio. I didn't actually use it for four years. Now I am in there almost every day. My number one rule these days is show up to the studio or creative space, and then I find that something will happen, however small. I count thinking about art as art. A few years ago I was feeling stuck for ideas so began to methodically trick myself. In some doodles that I had done I had seen images in blots or stains on old envelopes or whatever and then drawn strange people, animals, and creatures. I thought the process was fun and the images curious. So I began to stain paper and let it dry, then look for images in the stains, and I always started to see things. I would stare for a long time see one thing, draw it, and gradually the images would build, one thing helping to suggest another, and I would draw things that I didn't even know I could do. I saw a buffalo and then its calf, and some Native American imagery, none of which I had ever done before. Things that I had thought about, read about, or seen recently began to pop up and be part of my imagery. I reinforced the images with watercolor, using a very limited color pallet. The images that developed were not preapproved, not part of a visual theory or recognizable art form. They were strange and different. I had to campaign in my head against self-criticism. Had to actively tell myself to shut up and let whatever wants to come out come out. Who am I to judge? Let things process and who cares if anybody likes it, including myself. I usually hate anything that I do that turns out to be a break through, a move in a new direction. Gradually I get used to it and then I call it my best work.

A couple of years ago I was spending a lot of time on a community oriented project. It all blew up and I became terribly disappointed, people criticized me severely, and I felt like I was being crucified. I threw in the towel on that project and went back to my studio. The first piece I did was of some very crude looking crows, a murder of crows, tearing apart some bloody stuff, which symbolized myself. I didn't have to try to make that piece, it just happened. I made some more crow paintings after that. In Murder of Crows #2 I softened the emotional impact but increased the interest in the shapes and patterns of the crows and the intensity of colors and their contrasting juxtaposition, and I worked on interesting negative shapes between the crows. In the next painting with crows “Masked Pretender” I was still interested in some of these formal elements, especially the interlocking of positive and negative shapes, but I introduced an element of humor, a sign that I had come a long way emotionally from the first Murder of crows. The humor is in the overlapping of shapes, birds for human parts and vice versa, or birds in negative shapes that describe the human shape.  The human, representing myself, wears a bird's beak mask, pretending to be a bird, but it is obvious to the viewer that the human does not really fit in with a murder of crows, he is an imposter, the outsider, the misfit. He is kind of dominated by them. It became more of a joke than a traumatic message. The whole experience got me working feverishly in my studio and I try not to look back, I am still on a roll. I came to realize that my greatest passion is to work as an artist so I should devote more time to it, make time for it, cherish every moment of it. The art work becomes a self-perpetuating generation of ideas, interests, and growth in thought process, as well as increased facility in technique, hand to eye coordination, and ability to draw from life. It is still difficult to find the time for art, other life demands get in the way, but the more I realize the importance of that art in my life, the more I find time for it.

These three crow paintings will be part of an exhibit entitled, “Deities or Demons: Crow, Ravens, and their Kin,” at the Pearson Legacy Gallery, Dow Rd. Deer Isle, Maine opening May 9^th, 2013 and continuing through Memorial Day. For more information call 207-348-2535 or email: [email protected].